Im back with some jokes

After a long pause I'm back again with some jokes. You know I'm a Java programmer, so I can take long pause and it is something fair . Okay, lets have our jokes:

Take 0:
Feminist Unix Command
"man bash"


Take 1:
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't. whereas system admin puts two full glasses and two empty ones. Why's the second pair? That's a hot backup.

Take 2:
Laws of Computer Programming

1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
6. The value of a given program is proportional to the weight of its output.
7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer to maintain it.


Take 3:
There are three types of people in this world:

Those that understand recursion
Those that don't understand recursion
Those that think there are three types of people in this world:
Those that understand recursion
Those that don't understand recursion
Those that think there are three types of people in this world:
Those that understand recursion
Those that don't understand recursion
Those that think there are three types of people in this world:
................
................

Take: 4
Hello World is cross platform chapter

Take 5:
How to get girls interested in programming

Girls like romantic stuff. My new programming language will supply this in the following way:

1. Each variable can either be masculine or feminine.
2. Masculine arrays are one-based, feminine arrays are zero-based (this is soooo obvious).
3. In a jagged array, at least 40% of the subarrays need to be feminine.
4. If you construct a date by concatenating a masculine and a feminine variable, some of the space allocated for the masculine variable will be reallocated for the date.
5. Every 28th cpu cycle, all feminine variables will throw exceptions or other heavy objects if queried the wrong way (what the right and wrong way is, is undocumented – pending research)
6. During communication, feminine variables will always go through a named pipe, tcp port or anything like that before masculine.
7. If a masculine pointer raises a flag for the wrong feminine variable, it is not an exception.
8. A female binary large object will be tried but not caught.
9. Feminine variables will never dump unless they are grouped.
10. Feminine variables are not static with threads, they change patterns every season.
11. Behind every long masculine integer there is a feminine char.
12. To construct a short, you must first concatenate a feminine single and a masculine single into a mixed gender double, the most significant bits of the double will then overflow into a short after a period of 9×30 cycles. The double can spawn several shorts before they are either deallocated or split into two singles again.
13. Feminine variables should be camelcase.
14. Masculine variables have their own opinion on what the most significant bits of feminine variables are.

Take 6
Your for loop must be more faster if you use this pattern

Code:


      for(j=0; j<array_len; j+  =8)
            {
            total += array[j+0 ];
            total += array[j+1 ];
            total += array[j+2 ];
            total += array[j+3];
            total += array[j+4];
            total += array[j+5];
            total += array[j+6 ];
            total += array[j+7 ];
            }


Take 7


Take 8


More sources :
http://blog.dlux.hu/2009/08/programmer-jokes.html
http://hulubei.net/tudor/humor/sysadmins.html
http://fury.com/google-circa-1960.php
http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/
http://freeworld.thc.org/root/phun/unmaintain.html
http://www.pvv.ntnu.no/~steinl/vitser/evolution.html
http://www.yosefk.com/blog/the-cardinal-programming-jokes.html
http://www.workjoke.com/programmers-jokes.html
http://blog.aegisub.org/2008/12/if-programming-languages-were-religions.html

Cheer!!

0,1,3,6,7,4,8 very funny welcome back

vote koi?

here it is...

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